


Dark Side of the Moon

by NeonDreams



Category: Mulan (1998)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Movie rewrite, The Trans Experience, Trans Fa Mulan (Disney), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDreams/pseuds/NeonDreams
Summary: Growing up, Mulan knew she was different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I never thought I'd be writing Mulan fan fiction but here I am. I was watching the movie recently and I just wanted a story about Mulan being trans. It's a headcanon I've had for a long time and I figured it was time to actually write it. As a trans man, I feel like it's an important story to tell and I hope you feel the same.
> 
> Enjoy!

Growing up, Mulan knew she was different. She didn't do the things expected of her. She didn't play with dolls like the other girls in her village, she liked to run around and get dirty with the boys and at such a young age, her parents let her. But as she got older, she had to start taking on a more feminine roll in her family. Doing chores, obeying her father, looking onto a future of more of the same except with a husband.

It was the morning of her meeting with the matchmaker. She was nervous, mostly because she didn't want to but also because doing this would bring her family honor and that was most important. She got started on her morning chores before bringing her father tea at the shrine. He wanted her to do well and she did too, though, not nearly as much as her father did.

Arriving in town, her mother was disappointed in how dirty she was and how late, but they moved forward with preparations. She was washed, styled, dressed and her makeup done. Her mother looked so proud when it was all finished but seeing herself in that heavy white makeup, she felt sick. She didn't know how else to describe the feeling.

She followed the other brides to be to wait for their turn with the matchmaker. To say it went badly for Mulan was an understatement. She wished nothing more than to be the person she was inside. But she didn't know who that person was yet. Looking at her reflection in the water of the pond and the polished stone of the shrine, she had no words to describe what she wanted, who she wanted to be. It was an ache inside her to be different, to be seem as different.

Later, her father found her under the blossom tree. He was just trying to show his love and support for whatever path she chose. Then the consignments came.

"Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Huns have invaded China! By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army."

Mulan was in shock, the Huns invaded China? She tensed when the man spoke again. "The Fa Family!"

"No." She hurried down from her perch on the wall. "Father, you can't go!"

"Mulan." Her father scolded her.

"Please sir, my father has already fought for-" She was cut off.

"Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence."

"Mulan. You dishonor me." She was pulled close by her mother and grandmother. Mulan didn't know what to do.

 

It was raining, the cold water having soaked her bridal gown. She watched the shadows of her parents inside. Even her mother was upset about him going back to war. Zhou blew out the candle and Mulan looked down at her hands. She had to protect her father. He would die if he went. If there was another man in the family-

Mulan looked up. Something clicked in her head. She stood and headed up to the shrine to pray for guidance before going inside to take her father's consignment papers, his armor and his sword. She cut her hair short and tied it up, dressing herself in her father's armor. Her heart was racing the whole time but she knew this was the right thing to do.

Her horse Khan didn't recognize her at first but a few soft words and a pat on the nose calmed him down. It was still raining when they left, riding hard to get to the camp on time. She stopped to rest only when the sun started to rise. She curled up against Khan's side and slept for a few hours before the continued the rest of the way.

With the camp in sight, Mulan paced. What was she suppose to do? Just waltz in there? Was there someone she needed to find? She was in over her head. Suddenly, there was a burst of fire from behind and she turned, letting out a scream. She hid and watched the monstrous shadow against the rock. "A ghost!"

"Mulan! I am here to help you pass as a man! For if the army finds out that you're a girl, the penalty, is death!"

She shook. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? I am the great and powerful Mushu!" She watched as a tiny red lizard car around the rock, a cricket close behind. Mulan raised her eyebrows and walked over.

"My ancestors sent a lizard to help me?" She poked at him, frowning.

"Hey hey! I am a dragon!"

"But you're so tiny."

"Of course! If I was my real size your cow here would die of fright." Khan snorted and stomped all over Mushu.

"That's it! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Mulan knelt down. "Please, I need your help."

"Don't worry babygirl, I've got you covered." Mulan frowned at Mushu.

 

She shouldn't have listened to him. Not only did she feel foolish walking into the camp, she didn't even have a name prepared. Why did she think no one would ask for her name?

She stared up at Captain Li Shang in awe and fear. He was going to figure her out, oh god!

"What's your name soldier?"

"Uh uh-"  
"Say Ling!" Mushu whispered in her ear.

"His name's Ling." She mumbled.

"I don't want his name." Shang replied, making Mulan jump.

"Achoo!" Mushu supplied gleefully.

"Achoo?"

"Achoo?" Shang repeated.

Mulan was so done with Mushu when he made a sneeze joke. "Mushu." She hissed at him.

"Mushu?" Shang asked.

"No!"

"Then what is it?" Shang was getting angry, she needed a name fast.

"Ping! He was my best friend growing up." Mushu said.

"It's Ping." Mulan, or rather, Ping said.

"Ping?" Everyone raised their brows at that.

"Though Ping did steal my girl-" Mulan squeezed him to make him shut up.

"Yes, my name is Ping." And why was she still using that ridiculous voice?

"Let me see your conscription notice." Mulan, now Ping, handed the scroll over. "Fa Zhou? The Fa Zhou?"

"I didn't know he had a son." Chi Fu chimed in.

"He doesn't talk about me much." Mulan chuckled and embarrassed herself some more. In the end, everyone hated her for causing a fight and the rice being spilt. But something else happened while she tried to find a place to set up her tent. Everyone kept using he or him when talking about Mulan, or rather, about Ping. Hearing that, made Ping feel something, something good.

With the tent poorly set up by a lone tree, Ping sat on the bedroll while Mushu ranted about his plan for tomorrow. "Mushu..."

How do you tell someone that you want them to refer to you as a boy? Because what else could that feeling mean? Ping liked that everyone only saw her... him, as a boy. And just thinking that felt good too. He had been smiling while pitching the tent though Mushu didn't notice. "What is it Mulan?" He asked.

It was like his whole world came crashing down around him. He had to do this now before he felt any worse. "Can you call me Ping? Just so I get more use to it?"

"Oh sure. I guess that makes sense. That'll be your name while we're doing this. Yeah, okay Ping. You should get some sleep. We've got a big day ahead of us." Ping smiled and lied back, getting comfortable under the blanket.


	2. Chapter 2

Ping woke when Mushu pulled off the blanket. "Wake up I've got breakfast!" He shivered and sat up to see Mushu holding a bowl on congee. It looked really good. Then he was shoveling it into Ping's mouth while telling him how to behave today. "Wait, the troops are already leaving?"

"What?" Ping shot out of bed and quickly got dressed, running to catch up with the troops. Shang told them the first thing they'd be doing today. He took off his shirt and Ping couldn't look away. Oh.

Yao was picked to climb a pole to reach an arrow at the top. Shang gave him two heavy medals that he must hold onto as he climbed. He barely made it half way. One by one the soldiers all took a turn and Ping failed miserably too. Shang wasn't happy.

The first week of training was brutal. Ping was struggling so much, he could barely keep up with the whole troop. It wasn't like he was the only one having trouble, everyone was struggling but Shang seemed to single Ping out. "Go home." He told him, handed him his bag and Khan's reigns. No, no Ping wasn't giving up that easily. He grabbed the metals and went to the pole. He had to prove to Shang that he was serious about this. But not only that, this was the first time Ping truly felt like himself. He knew now why everything he had been doing felt wrong. Being in the army was conditional but being a man, having people seeing him as one and treating him as one, was absolute. He had to stay and continue training with everyone.

It was tough climbing the pole but he had figured out the trick to it. The sun started to rise and everyone was waking up. Ling, Yao and Chien Po were at the front of the crowd watching, cheering him on. They may have teased him at first but the shared experience of training in the army had made them start to see each other as friends, maybe even as brothers.

He was almost there, the top was so close, the sun was almost complete up. Finally, finally, Ping reached the top and pulled out the arrow. He sat up there as everyone cheered.

Shang came out of his tent and Ping let the arrow fall to Shang's feet. Shang smiled up at him.

From then on, everyone had the motivation to give this their all. Quickly everyone was overcoming fears, learning new skills, and becoming stronger people, both in mind, body, and spirit. Ping knew everything would be okay.

 

Ping had lost count of how many days they had been there. Two weeks, three? Had it been a whole month or more? He shrugged as he went to the nearby lake with Khan, Mushu and Crickee.

He had the lake to himself as he stripped out of his gee and let down his hair. "I don't see why you have to do this." Mushu was complaining. "You're going to blow your cover!"

"Just because I am a man, doesn't mean I have to smell like one." Ping flushed at his slip up. He had yet to tell Mushu his revelation. The dragon didn't seem to have noticed. He had his ears over his eyes as Ping undressed and got into the water.

"I don't see what the big deal is." He peeked out to see Ping submerged up to his shoulder. "Alright get out, that's enough."

"Mushu."

"Yeah yeah, stand watch while I blow my secret with my stupid girly habits." Mushu said in a high pitched voice. Ping frowned deeply at that. He had to tell him the truth.

He dipped his head back. _I'm not a girl._ He thought. He looked up when he heard excited shouting getting closer. Oh no! It was Ling, Yao and Chien Po! He covered as much of himself with the water and tried to find somewhere to hide.

"Hi Ping!" Ling's voice called out to him.

"Oh hi guys, I didn't know you were here." Ping was using that stupid voice again. "I was just leaving."

"You don't have to go, there's plenty of water for the four of us." Ling smiled wide, trying to seem pleasant.

"No really, it's okay." He tried to slowly swim back to shore while keeping everything covered.

"Really! I know we've been jerks to you but that was just because we didn't know you." Ling grabbed Ping's arms to keep him from swimming away until he yelped. "Something bit me!" He looked around and saw Mushu. "Snake!" All three men scrambled to get up on the rocks while Ping hurried over to Khan and wrapped a towel around his body.

"God that was close."

"That was vile, you owe me big." Mushu was scrubbing at his tongue. Ping turned to leave and saw all of the men go running by, completely naked.

 

Getting word that they were needed at the front was a shock to everyone. Ping had just thought they stay at the base and train until the Huns were defeated. He didn't think they'd actually have to fight.

The journey up to the village by the Tung Sho Pass was a long one. The men were exhausted but to keep their spirits up they talked about the girls worth fighting for back home. Ping just smiled and listened, his eyes drifting to where Shang was on his horse. Ling asked Ping what kind of girl he wanted but he shrugged him off. Many of these men could possibly have brides already waiting for them. Ping thought of his family, his father, mother, and grandmother. They must be worried sick about him. No, they were worried about Mulan, not Ping.

They passed villages and rice paddies, the women tending to their crops. Grass gave way to snow as they climbed higher up the mountain. A mini snowball fight broke out between the men. Ping laughed as Ling and Yao pelted him with snow. Their laughter died when they found nothing but the burned remains of the village.

They slowly walked through, looking to see if there were any survivors. "I don't understand. My father was suppose to be here." Shang turned and turned, looking at the smoking ruins. Chien Po came over, holding the general's helmet. They looked over the hill to find a battlefield. The Chinese army, the general's army, gone. They all stared in shock at the massacre before them. "The Huns have an advantage, we're the emperor's only hope. Move out."

The army moved through the mountains. Along the Tung Sho Pass, one of the cannons went off, revealing their location. Out of no where, hundreds of arrows filled the sky and they ran for cover. The next several minutes were a frenzy of cannons and arrows. "Hold the last cannon!" They waited with bated breath. A roar of voices quickly followed by a sea of people as the Hun army crested over the far hill. The Chinese army drew their swords. "Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor." Ping looked at everyone. They were outnumbered, they would all surely die. He couldn't have that.

Grabbing the last canon from Yao, Ping right towards the Hun army, ignoring Shang's shouts. He could save everyone. He could save Ling, Yao and Chien Po. He could save Shang. Shan Yu was racing towards him on his horse, his sword drawn. Ping had to do this right. He searched for the flint in the snow but couldn't find it so he used Mushu's fire to light the cannon. It took off, aimed for the snow capped mountain top. Shan Yu struck Ping with his sword before he had a chance to get away. The cannon hit the snow, causing a huge avalanche. Ping tried to outrun the snow, Khan reaching him and speeding him away. They passed Shang and he tried to pull him up but they were swept away by the snow.

Khan broke through the snow and they tried to reach an unconscious Shang. Ping grabbed him and pulled him onto the saddle. An arrow with a rope tied to it landed near them and Ping grabbed it, tying the rope to the saddle. He fired the arrow as the snow carried them over the cliff.

As they were pulled back up, Shang started to wake. They looked at each other in silence. Ping wanted to say something but they were reaching the top. The men helped them up onto stable ground and they both lied there, catching their breath. "Ping, you're the craziest man I've ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust." They smiled at each other, Shang's hand heavy and warm on Ping's shoulder. He started to stand but a sharp pain shot through his side and he pressed his hand to it. It was warm and sticky. Looking down, he saw blood on his hand. "Ping! Someone get help! Ping, just hold on. Hold on." Everything faded to black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I was having trouble with this chapter then I got distracted with other things. But I finished it and I'm posting it in celebration of me finally starting T! I'm very excited.

Ping woke slowly to find himself lying on a bedroll in a medical tent. He looked around and saw the doctor packing his bag. He slipped out of the tent and Ping closed his eyes. His side didn't hurt that badly, probably from the medicine. He heard the tent flap open again and opened his eyes to see Shang. He smiled and sat up, the blanket falling away from his chest. The bandages around his torso left little to the imagination. Ping looked down when Shang's eyes went wide and saw what he saw. He pulled the blanket up. "Shang I can explain."

Chi Fu came in. "So it's true." He grabbed Ping and dragged him out into the snow.

"Shang!"

"I knew something with wrong with you." Chi Fu pulled his hair out of it's bun. "A woman!" The men were in shock.

"No!" Chi fu threw Ping to the ground and he pulled the blanket around his shoulders. No, no it wasn't suppose to happen this way. He looked up at Shang. "I did it to save my father!"

"High treason!" Chi Fu wouldn't listen.

"I never meant for it to go this far!"

"Ultimate dishonor!"

"It was the only way! Please believe me." Tears fell from his eyes. Everyone would hate him now.

"Captain?" Chi Fu watched Shang which made him move. He pulled out Ping's sword and walked over. Ling, Yao and Chien Po tried to stop him. "You know the law." Ping watched as Shang walked over, the sword held out. He threw it into the snow.

"A life for a life, my debt is repaid." Chi Fu tried to protest but Shang very harshly told him to move out. Ping watched as the army left him behind.

 

Ping sat in the snow wearing just his gee. Khan lied behind him, blocking the wind and giving him warm. They had left him food for the journey home but he didn't know if he wanted to go back. To go back would mean being Mulan again but he didn't want that. He watched as Mushu sat in the snow and tried to cook a dumpling over a tiny fire. "I was so close!" Mushu sighed. "So close to impressing the ancestors, getting my job back..." He sighed again.

"I should have never left home."

"You were just trying to protect your father. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends." Mushu sniffled, trying not to cry.

"Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror, I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing." He picked up the helmet and looked at himself. He wanted to see who he really was on the inside.

"That's just cause this needs a little spit." Mushu picked up the helmet and spit on it, wiping it away. "Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, look at you, you look so pretty!" Ping huffed, Mushu still didn't know. "The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions." They both fell silent, staring out at the white snow and dark sky.

"Mushu, I'm not a girl."

"What?" He looked at him.

"I know what you're thinking. But I am a girl. Well I'm telling you I'm not. In my heart I know I'm not. Being called Ping, being seen at a man by everyone, it makes me feel whole inside. I get this feeling of just... rightness. I don't know how else to explain it." Mushu was watching him and Ping squirmed under his gaze. "Are you going to say anything?"

"I've always kind of known."

"You did?"

"Yeah, seeing you so happy at the base. I guess I just didn't know what it meant until now."

"So you're sticking with the name Ping?" He nodded, smiling softly. "Maybe sure you credit me with that." Mushu laughed, making Ping chuckle.

"We should head back."

"I agree, we'll figure this all out."

 

They didn't get to go home just yet. A few of the Huns, including Shan Yu, climbed out of the snow. Ping had to warn the city. Everything that happened after went by so fast, but unfortunately, certain things happened. Citizens thought he he was a girl, not a man. Mushu said it was because of his voice so no one cared. And at the palace, he knew women would distract the Huns outside the door better than men, so he found himself in a dress with Ling, Zao and Chien Po. Ping was able to disassociate that from himself, too busy with saving the Emperor and saving China. The fight with Shan Yu was scary and he didn't know he he'd win or even survive. Luckily he did both and in the end, the Emperor honored him. Well, he honored Mulan.

Going home was almost as scary as fighting Shan Yu. Ping walked up to his father and gave him Shan Yu's sword and the crest of the Emperor. "They're gifts to honor the Fa family." Zhao dropped to his knees and hugged him.

"The greatest gift and honor is having you as a daughter." Ping opened his mouth to speak, he wanted to tell his father the truth but then Shang appeared and spoke.

"Mulan, I brought you your helmet. Well actually, it's your helmet." He said to Zhao, stuttering. Ping took the helmet and smiled. He really liked Shang and he seemed to like Ping, well Mulan, back.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Would you like to stay forever?" Grandmother Fa shouted across the yard.

"Dinner would be nice." Shang accepted.

Unfortunately, Shang wasn't able to stay for longer than dinner. He was a very business man. That night he left for the city again.

 

Things settled back into a more normal pattern. Ping still hadn't told his parents yet so they still called him Mulan. He didn't know how to tell them or how they'd react. Mushu knew but it wasn't like he could tell Ping's parents. How did he explain a dragon guardian and.. whatever Ping was.

That was part of the problem. He didn't know how to say it. How did he tell his parents he wasn't Mulan anymore but Ping. It was too much without the right words and he didn't have the right words.

He had also asked Mushu not to tell the ancestors. He didn't need them getting upset and dishonoring the family because of him.

 

Ping was in the garden when his mother called out to him. "Mulan, there are three strange men at the gate saying they know you from the army." Ping stood and brushed the dirt from his dress. Sadly he still had to wear dresses. "A skinny man, a short angry man, and a large man." Ping was already hurrying through the house before Li finished speaking. Ping made his way to the door and smiled wide when he saw Ling, Zao, and Chien Po. They all bowed to him.

Ping bowed back and turned to Li to introduce them. "Mama, this is Ling, Zao, and Chien Po. Guys, this is my mother, Fa Li."

They bowed to her and she bowed back. "Greetings Fa Li." Chien Po said. "I'm sorry we came unannounced. We were missing our dear friend and wished to see her. Is it possible for us to visit Mulan?" Ling and Zao shared a look but said nothing.

"I don't see why not. You are welcome to stay for dinner."

"Thank you." Chien Po bowed again, Ling and Zao doing the same. Ping grinned and slipped on his shoes, stepping outside with them.

They walked in silence around the yard. It stretched on around the pond and finally broke on the bridge. Ling sighed and leaned against the railing. Ping paused, followed by Zao and Chien Po, all turning to look at Ling. "Are you okay?" Ping asked, walking over. Did something happen since he last saw them.

"Are you?" He looked at him. "You're not yourself."

"What do you mean?" Ping turned to face the water and tugged on his hair.

"We spent weeks together and you were so free and yourself during all that. Now you seem.. stiff."

Chien Po placed a warm hand on Ping's shoulder. "Even at the palace you didn't seem yourself. I know a lot was going on with Shan Yu and saving the emperor but I could still tell. We all could."

"You can talk to us Pin- Mu-" Zao grumbled. "I don't even know what to call you anymore. I'm so use to calling you Ping."

"I actually prefer Ping." He said softly, watching the fish swim in the pond. He missed the look the others shared. "All my life something felt wrong, like something was missing. It wasn't until I joined the Chinese army that it all made sense. I'm... a man." He couldn't look at them. This was the moment they stopped being his friends and leave. Possible tell his parents and say his crazy. All the horrible things Ping had imagined.

Chien Po gently squeezed his shoulder. "Thank you for telling us. We are honored that you told us."

"Yeah, you were Ping to us first and you'll always be Ping." Ling added.

"And if anyone says differently.." Zao punched his open hand.

Ping smiled and looked at them. "Thank you. You're the first people I told. I don't know how to tell my parents."

"Do you want us to be there?" Chien Po asked softly.

"No, I need to do this alone."

"You're not alone anymore Ping." Ling put his hand on his shoulder. "You've got us."

"Thanks guys." They all hugged. Ping would be okay no matter what happened.


End file.
